Part 3 - "School" and "The question on every teenagers lips"

Like all good preachers who want to get an extra point in, rob split the last session into 2 topics, school and "the question on every teenagers lips".

School - Again, three points, with lots of funny illustrations.

• A school report does not measure emotional wellness. How many of us know people how might not be the brightest but are extremely caring and supportive of others?
• Don't read the school report as a prophecy of future life. Rob asked us if we knew who a certain lady was who got (I think ) only a handful of O Levels and wasn't particularly high achieving at school? She's now the head of OFSTED! He read his own report from school (from "What every teenager wished their parent knew") which placed him 34th in a class of 34 and his teacher was rather scathing. Apart from being in care for the Family, Rob is a highly succesful lawyer....
• Help your child discover his or her talents. When Jimmy comes home witha report giving him an A, a B and a D, guess which one we focus on? How about praising the A instead?

He finished by posing the question he had hinted at teasingly a few times - "The Question on Every teenagers Lips". I bet I wasn't alone thinking it would be about sex. I was wrong. In Rob's view,and I have to agree with him, the single most important question being asked by teenagers is "Am I Loved?"

"Am I loved?" How often doe the world send out the message "We'll love you if you wear..." or "We'll love you if you look like this/weigh this/have this size waist..." etc etc? It's simply not true. We, as parents, youth workers, Christians, love you for who you are now, not what you wear/weigh/look like.

"Unless a child is accepted she will never know she is loved". It may be difficult, but sometimes we have to accept that our child may never achieve what we want them to, but we have to accept them for who they are. Rob followed this up with a story about a parent competing with her daughter that finished with Mum saying that at 40 she was slimer than her daughter. Ouch. He also told a story from his woodwork class at school when he was told his best wasn't good enough. He posed the question "Where do you go as a kid of 14 when your best isn't good enough?" What messages are we sending out to teenagers when we say things like that? Yes, we do have to point out failures and encourage improvement, but we must also accept everyone for who they are.

So how does a child know they are accepted and loved? Again, like a good preacher, Rob had 4 points all beginning with the same letter!

• Time - A slower day is not coming! You might not have a tomorrow, so spend time reading that bedtime story tonight. Teenagers have a reputaion for not being the most talkative, so take conversation whenever you can get it! If that means ringing your friend back so you can listen to your daughter there and then, do it.
• The Tongue - Teenage years are about learning what we can get away with, and parents/siblings are often the ones experimented on! Can I talk to someone like this and not upset them? How far is too far? Will sarcasm work or not? These are all questions that need answering, and our teenage years are when we experiment, sometimes taking it out on those we love the most.... Constantly re-affirm the positives. When the ear doesn't here encouragemtn, the heart loses the will to try. (Or words to that effect anyway!)
• Touch - a hug, a pat on the back or other appropriate physical contact is crucial. Mums, hug your teenage son, but only when there's no-one else around!
• To let go - At smoe point, you've got to let them make mistakes. It might hurt bo watch them fall off their bike as a child, but you have to let it happen a little.

There is so much more, but my notes are limited. Rachel and I bought 2 copies of the book that goes with the seminars - "Teenagers! What every parent has to know". Please feel free to borrow one, I'm going to start reading the other one in the next few days!

Please also comment on what I've posted - do you agree or disagree? Is Rob (or am I) right or wrong? Rob's final phrase to all parents was "Don't take all the credit, and don't take all the blame"! I've written what I can remember at nearly midnight, but I've no chance of remembering enough in the morning!

We were all teenagers once, and times have changed, but we are all still a work in progress. Good night, God bless, and remember, you are loved!